At some point of time, I just dont know why I cant be bothered to talk to anyone..

Such screw ups. Seriously.
I tell myself I'll remember the days when happy things happened. But now, I cant even remember any. All I remember are days that have gone bad. Why does negativity keeps clinging on while everything good just seems to fade away.

I know I have to be optimistic. I know I have to appreciate every day.
But sometimes when you tell others that, don't you feel damn tired trying to keep to what you say. No matter how hard you try, things will bound to happen, to go bad, and it's just so exhausting to be happy.

Ah it's just complicated.

When I feel really impulsive, I'll delete every single thing I have, numbers, smses, emails, facebook, and I'll just wait and see who even bothers to find me..

At some point of time, everyone's there but they only see what I let them see.
It's my fault but there's no one's to blame.

The harder I try to understand you, the more I lose myself.
I miss how things were back then, easy and not too slow or too fast.

ADILAH. I.AM.STUCK.



IT AWAITS. JUST WAIT. I CAN DO IT OKAY. AT LEAST I WONT RIP OFF SOMEONE'S CHUNK OF WORDS. OR CHEAT. OR LIE. OR WHATEVER TO GET THAT AWESOME CHUNK OF WORDS :)

Well two weeks in Malaysia, was more than enough. Cousins made it fun, well I have really little cousins on my Mum's side, 9 of us only! Tapi kecohhhh till you can wake the whole kampung up.
Family trip to KL and Perak was definitely fun, plus my father's friend's family was there. So fun fun fun. And then Port Dickson with the whole family (except my parents) was pretty awesome too! :P

Learnt:
1. Dont be a bitch to your own parents, be grateful or suffer later on.
(I swear, I saw it with my own eyes, and even IF you were pretty, you looked fucking ugly for doing such a disgraceful thing, please learn something and that is to be appreciative, even I dont whine that bad, please get your words right before they come out of your mouth)

2. Siblings really do stand up for each other.
(I saw how my atuk and his siblings were so tight, it's kinda touching and cute actually :D I really like it when elderly people smile and be happy, it's kind of nice to see! And really cute too! Remind me of babies ;) Hm, well they are quite old now and still so close and happy together, I want it to be like that for me and my brothers when I am 60)

3. No matter how awkward it starts, it ends off perfectly when it comes to family.
(It kind of got awkward for me when I first met my cousins at Kempas, but well that really changed, omg hide and seek! Our favourite game whenever we meet @ nenek's! Iqmal's so cute, he's two and he loves it too. It runs in the family. My grandparent's house there is pretty huge so it's really fun :D And Afiq/Iqah listens to KPOP and that is pretty weird for them. Haha, love us)

4. I LOVE MY FAMILY AND I AM DAMN GRATEFUL TO BE BORN IN THIS POSITION EVEN IF THEY PISS ME OFF TILL MY LAST NERVE I KNOW I WILL NEVER ASK FOR BETTER.

I guess it's just the way we've been brought up. Put us in a kampung, and you know we'll survive.

(I love Ayah's side cousins too!<3)

I've been so busy I've missed out on things that means alot to me.

Class chalet...
I am really sorry I couldn't attend, really, I really wanted to go but I had other things on, yes excuses/reasons/crap. I would have, wow... Reading Adilah's blog makes me feel so left out ): And guilty.

F,
If I helped you, you won't get so low.

H,
I have no idea what is going on.

R,
Catched up a little, missed you alot.

I missed out on the first two days of psl camp too, well today was enjoyable though :) Pretty weird at first cos of coals. But it got better :) Hahah, Syahindah/Diana were mad. HAH, like literally went insane!

I've been so happy lately, when it's time alone that's when things come rushing back to me. Well being occupied is tiring, but gives less time for the brain to reflect and look at what has happened thoroughly, finding the littlest guilt or sadness. But hey, look on the big picture, it was happy while it lasted right?

Positively.

ARAB AND HADITH FREAKING KILLED ME SEH. FAIL LAH FAIL. The more I stared at the paper, the more agitated I got! :@

Such a late post.
'We are good but there are better'

But we really improved drasticly :)

High Crazy Retarded
Superbly madly gayly

It has been fun spending time with you all. Every purple gay memory will be kept at heart and I know this isn't such a mushy or full of words kind of post but maybe one day when I've got time and have a cleared mind I'll write or something, literally write. Love you loads. And I've been such a slow and lazypok nowadays.

'Sense of urgency' gone.
Hahaha, duh Aqilah duh.

Now I get comfy bed. Can eat as much or little as I choose to. Can use the toilet without being timed. Can take my own sweet time to wake up. Stink less. Less exercise. No more thrill of being high up in the sky. Alone. Less time planning. Less time spending time with aliens. Regret not getting to perform our dance.. Less of .. Alpha and instructors/:

You know, eventhough it's tough and smelly, I liked it, I loved it infact. Heck. I've never cried about any camp before! This was the first. I'd rather be smelly and go through all those again than shower as long as I can without worrying.

Infact it was so thrilling! Showering with people timing, kind of cool actually. And there were thrills everywhere.

Trying to get the food to be edible and taste nice during outdoor cooking.
Thrill of being high up doing high elements and cheering others on.
Thrill of waiting for food due to my hungryyyy stomach and nice food.
Thrill of anticipating what comes next.
Thrill of seeing monkeys around and wondering if they will jump out of nowhere!
Thrill of being up late at night (ehem)
Thrill of rushinggg (HAHA, yeah I move slow)
Thrill of being so gay and purple! :)

What I disliked most, sorry to say, were the insects! Crawlies. Eee, send shivers down my spine (?) Haha. Outing soon k! :)

I am so jakon. Once in a lifetime.